Saturday, 22 February 2014

Life: Let's talk about you and me, Let's talk about all the good things, And the bad things that may be

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I haven't written a post about my life in a while, I should probably get back into it. I have all the good intentions of doing it,its just life gets kind of busy sometimes and I forget and then I can't remember what has happened because it all just merges into one.

So I'm going to go all the way back to the beginning of this year at uni which means September 2013 and see how much I can remember. Also I am ill and can't go to work and Katie-Jo is at work and I am very bored. There were a lot of 'ands' in that sentence, oops.

September 2013

I moved back to Bournemouth and into a new house. It was rather exciting... although I think I was possibly more excited about living with Katie-Jo again.

I also enrolled back at uni for the second year of my foundation degree studying Business and Management.

October 2013

I got my first tattoo! It was quite spur of the moment. I got two different song lyrics from two songs which do mean something to me:

'Cause I am a champion & you're gonna hear me roar'
~ and ~
'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

So it wasn't entirely random. They are on my right arm.

Me and Katie-Jo got together - apparently everyone else saw this happening last year, maybe we should have seen it coming too but neither of us really did. I'm glad that we had the chance last year to get to know each other and become as close as we are (a bit closer now than before) as this gave us both a chance to understand and really get a chance to know each other.

I have never been so in love with anyone and I have definitely never been in a relationship with my best friend.

November 2013

My birthday - I had a wicked birthday seeing in the next decade of my life (I was 20). It wasn't just a day it lasted a whole weekend and I was completely spoilt! - My girl took me out to dinner and down to the beach where we had champagne, some good friends came to stay (Rach, Annie and Aimee) and we all went and saw Jessie J which was incredible. Then we had drinks at our house where another Rach joined us. This is a very brief summary of the weekend but it was amazing and I enjoyed all of it. You can read more about it here and see come photos too [Entering 20 Years of Life]

December 2013

Early Christmas with Katie-Jo - We decided to have an early Christmas together as we weren't going to be together on the actual day. You can read more about it in this post [Early Christmas]

I went back to Cambridge for a very short flying visit to see my family over Christmas.

I then came back to Bournemouth for about 2 hours and then went to Cardiff with Katie-Jo to spend New Year with her and her family.

January 2014

Katie-Jo killed her car on the way back from Cardiff and we had to get rescued by the AA! It was a really sad time although she has now got a new car and I got to name it.... Sonic - it isn't blue... but it does have cup holders.

I started my new job. I had been looking for a job since moving back to Bournemouth in September, I new I had got the job before I went away for Christmas but was really happy to get stuck in and back to working again. I have always enjoyed having a job and earning my own money so it has been great being able to get back doing it!

I got my second tattoo which Katie-Jo paid for as part of my birthday present and she came up with the design for it. I call her my human teddy bear because even before we were together I would always go to her for a cuddle if I was feeling rubbishy and the Welsh word for cuddle is 'cwtch'. The tattoo is more than something because we are together as it is a symbol of our friendship and the support we give to each other too.

I really like it and really like showing it off and explaining the meaning of it to people.


February 2014

Mine and Katie-Jo's first Valentine's Day together. Katie-Jo got me a teddy bear which is a real life teddy version of my tattoo - I really love it!




I told Katie-Jo that I would organise what we would be doing on Valentine's day so this is what I did: I had got her several presents but I wanted to save them for later in the day so I gave her one present, which was a mug, in the morning as she likes to have a cup of tea which I made for her and then we both had to get ready to go out as she had uni and I had some shopping to get done quickly. It was chucking it down with rain so when I got back from shopping I looked like a drowned rat.

I started cooking out dinner which was a slow cooked beef roast dinner. Once I had the basics done for that I started decorating the spare bedroom (which was originally Katie-Jo's room before we were together). This is how it turned out:



I also got four heart balloons for her:

Enjoy these other pictures from our day together:







All in all I think I pulled off the surprise of the room pretty well and she seemed to like her presents as much as I love my teddy bear! We definitely had an amazing day together and I can't wait for Valentine's Day next year... already!

...And now we are nearly in March! These past few months have flown by! So we have been so busy. We're going to have a flying visit to Cambridge next week, Katie-Jo is going to meet my family for the first time, we're going to London to watch the Wales vs England six nations game and we're going to Cardiff for Mother's day weekend. All of that is just what we have planned for March.

It's all so exciting & now you are all caught up too! I'm currently off work ill today, and tomorrow as a virus seems to have decided its enjoying taking up residency in my body. Me and Katie-Jo are going to watch the two six nations matches when she gets home from work (hopefully I can stay awake this time).

- Stacey xo

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Poem: To Those...

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To those with no food on their plates
To those who think that they have no mates
To those who think they shouldn't eat
To those who simply want to concede defeat

To those addicted to some kind of substance
To those who feel as though there is no purpose to their existence
To those who felt abandoned from birth
To those who feel as though they have no self worth

To those with no roof over their head
To those who don't know when they will next be fed
To those who think they would be better off dead
To those who were forced to wed

You are not alone
Just because you battle silently doesn't mean that we don't know
Just because to us you have no name
Doesn't mean that you should feel ashamed
Or feel as though your life is, in the slightest, a little bit lame

There are so many people in this world fighting their battles alone
People who have been cast aside with no chance to grow
Why can't we give another the slightest bit of hope
The smallest hint that they are able to cope

A simple smile when you pass a stranger in town
Could be the remedy to lift their troubled frown



- Stacey xo

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Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Poem: I am Gay

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I am gay
But what am I truly trying to say
Am I asking for your acceptance
Or am I ready to experience your resistance to my existence

I was all to willing to live my life as a lie
All too scared to see my own mother cry
All too afraid that my own father would be ashamed of me
That my family wouldn't understand the person I am meant to be

But I guess I am lucky when it comes to my family
Because they say they're proud of me
But what are they actually proud of
They shouldn't have to be proud that I can openly love

I shouldn't feel as though my sexuality
Means that there is something wrong with my personality
Nor should I feel as though the love I have for another is filled with immorality
I shouldn't look a stranger in the eye and feel as though I have an abnormality

Why should you pity me for a love that makes me feel as though I belong
I don't think I could ever understand why you see it as being so wrong

Isn't true love, really true love when you wake up and think this is fate
So why are you telling me that this is just a phase and that I need to wait
Why when you don't even know me are your words filled with so much hate
When all I want to do is take the one I love out on a date

We're taught not to be prejudice
To consider each others feeling and not be too negative
We're taught that we shouldn't judge someone on their appearance
So why should my sexuality make a difference

I am gay
But it isn't something I should have to state or say
I shouldn't have to stand up and shout
Hi, I'm out



- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Poem: People Tell Me

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People tell me that I'm strong
But I think that their wrong
Truth is I fight the only battle I've ever known
The only battle that's made me grow

Only recently have I fought it head on
It's still work in progress, I haven't quite won
I'm just thankful that I'm no longer on the run,
From the voices in my head telling me that my life will never be much fun
I've finally got my feet on the ground
Living a life I never thought would be found

No longer hating myself
Believing in my own personal wealth
Putting my dreams on paper
Knowing I'll check them off sooner or later



- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Poem: Everyone Has A Fighter Built Inside of Them

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Some people will stereotype you
Judge every little thing that you do
They maybe better off
Look down at you, tut and scoff
But they might not work for everything that they've got
You should be proud because you've given everything your best shot

Everyone goes through different things
That's why you need to enjoy the little things that life can bring
No two lives are the same
So don't look back on your life and feel ashamed

Life is a battle that can be won
Don't always need to be on the run
Don't let people bring you down
You have earnt your crown
Just because you fight your battles privately doesn't mean
You are your own king or queen

Everyone comes from a different past
But that doesn't mean you don't have a future set to last
Everyone has a fighter built inside of them
You can beat your demons, its not a matter of if, but when




- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Sunday, 16 February 2014

Poem: Build a Forever Together

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I will love you for all time
Give you every reason as to why you should stay mine
Whether you want me to wine and dine
Give you all my time
Bring you fancy things
Always tell you that you're beautiful, an angel without wings

You are so special to me
Do anything to make you see
That you're the one I want to spend my life
Prove it to you, buy you a ring, make you my wife

Build a forever together
Our relationship I'll always treasure


- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Poem: The Future

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I've never wanted to look to the future as I was always too scared of what I would see
But ever since there has been a you and a me
The future is all I've wanted it to be

You have replaced fear with hope
Where I was once wondering how I would cope
I am now longing for all of our future plans
From asking you to marry me
And you becoming my bride to be
To seeing our babies first scans

I know with you the future isn't something I need to be scared of anymore
Because if at anytime I need it you will be there with words to reassure
Thats why with you I ook forward to everyday and all that it brings


- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Poem: My First Real Love

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My girlfriend is the greatest gift I could have been given
Having her by my side has made me more driven
Knowing that she is my first real love
Something, someone I could never let go of

I thought I had been in love before
But between me and her we have something a lot more
It was so easy to say I was in love before when I had nothing to compare it too
But these feelings I have for her are completely new

She is my first thought in the morning when I open my eyes
When we kiss I still get butterflies
When I hold her in my arms
I want to be able to protect her from all harm

She has given me back a feeling I haven't had in quite a while
The feeling of being worth something not only to her but to myself too
It's a feeling that's so old to most but to me its so new

My girlfriend, my best friend
The one to make my broken heart mend
My beginning, my middle
My first real love I never want to end


- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Saturday, 15 February 2014

Its Okay To Be Gay

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hlCEIUATzg&feature=youtube_gdata_player - Ellen Page

I don't often openly talk about my sexuality, but this is so true. I am incredibly lucky to have such amazing and supportive family and friends who have made me comfortable enough to be able to be myself. It took me a long time to be able to feel comfortable to feel that I could be openly gay, all because of being too aware of how other people perceive you and how they can treat you and make you feel.

Being able to love and be loved by another person is an incredible experience regardless of whether they are the same sex as you and no one should feel ashamed of this. I think that everyone should be able to experience loving another person and being loved by another person without feeling as though they should hide their feelings. Everyone should feel comfortable enough to be able to express their love for another person without feeling as though its wrong.

I am so lucky to have my girlfriend - one of the most kind, caring, supportive and loving people I know. I'm even luckier to be able to not feel the need to hide our relationship as I know so many people do. Its incredible to know that my girlfriend is my best friend, my present and future.

I hope that it continues to get easier for people to 'come out' as I know for so many people this is such a difficult step and so many people as so apprehensive of how their families and friends will react. Not only this but I hope that people continue to be supportive of those who aren't straight and fit the 'norm' as its that support that makes people feel as though they can be themselves and not hide their true self and be someone that their not.  Particularly as each person has so much to give no one should feel the need to hide themselves.

I hope that others can see as I have learnt that its okay to be gay and that you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not.

- Stacey xo

Friday, 7 February 2014

UPDATE! 2014

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Hi!

At the end of January I decided to start writing poetry again which lead to me wanting to get this blog back up and running again.

Over the next few weeks there will be some changes to the blog, I have already changed the name from Esjae Official to Stacey J Hubbard and purchased a domain accordingly. I have also updated the layout - which still needs some work and am adding some new sections to the site one of which is an articles section.

I also have some new contact details and new ways to get in contact - as can be seen below:

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk
Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs
Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard
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I'm looking forward to updating the site regularly and getting feedback from those who read it.

- Stacey x