Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Poem: 21

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Now that I am turning 21
In some ways my life has just begun
Born on 9th November 1993
Who thought I would become the woman I've turned out to be

Fought a battle since I was six years old
Only just found the courage to tell a story I never thought would be told
I have a loving family forever supporting me
Encouraging me to be the best I can be
I have a beautiful fiancée
Who I will love eternally
I may not have had the easiest path to get here
I may have played most of it by ear
But I know I can look back on my past 21 years
Knowing I have worked hard to get here, blood, sweat and tears
Facing many of my fears
Shedding a few tears
Cherishing moments and memories with friends and family
Things I can look back on quite happily

Moved out of my family home
Grown up and created my own
Found a love I never thought I would experience
Finally found my real independence

Looking back there are so many things I am proud of
Looking around me there are so many people that I love
Looking into the future
It's looking like an adventure
Letting go of the past, but it's still travelling with me
Ready to write the next part of my life for everyone to see
Ready to see where this journey will take me
Ready to travel with my friends and family



- Stacey xo

Friday, 1 August 2014

Life: Our Engagement Party

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On the 6th June 2014 Clare (Katie-Jo's Mum) organised an engagement party for us in Cardiff. My Mum, Dad, brother and sister came up from Cambridge. It was such a wicked night. The video above is some of the video from the night.

- Stacey xo

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Life: My Little Love Story

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I've mentioned Katie-Jo quite a bit on my blog now so I thought it was about time I introduced her properly. We met on the 16th September 2013 in our first year of university. Her room was opposite mine in our own little corridor in our shared house.

I remember her standing in my door way looking incredible wearing a pair of white jeans on the first or second night of freshers. I think I have most certainly 'fancied' her since then and if not I have definitely found her incredibly attractive since then. We spent quite a lot of freshers together, I remember one night when we were sat in the kitchen for hours, another night when I pretended to be a spacewoman with a bin on my head planking on the floor resulting in me cutting my chin open.

We gradually went everywhere together even resulting in me going back to Cardiff with her one weekend to see her family. I think I've pretty much been to Cardiff with her every time since. Minus last Christmas, which felt like we were apart forever!

I looked after her when she was ill, she was always there when I needed someone to talk to, we even ended up sleeping in each other beds because we would just fall asleep talking or watching films.

It was weird when we ended up having to go back home for the summer, I felt like a part of me was missing. I ended up going to Cardiff for Katie-Jo's birthday - yet again she looked incredible! We even planned a spur of the moment weekend the week before we were due to move back to Bournemouth for Cardiff Pride and again I ended up staying with her. Saying goodbye to each other after Pride was weird, neither of us seemed to want to do it. Where as we'd normally be making fun of each other we could barely speak to each other.

By the end of my weekend in Cardiff for Pride I couldn't wait to move back to Bournemouth. I had always found her attractive but no matter how many people told us 'we should be together' or 'we would make a good couple' we were both adamant that we were just friends. It wasn't until I saw her car come around the corner, she was late, as usual, that I knew there was definitely something more between us, there had always been 'moments' when I thought what if, but always shook them off thinking that it would ruin the amazing friendship we had.

When we moved into our new house in Bournemouth Katie-Jo started her new job straight away and quite honestly I felt like a lost puppy. I didn't know what to do with myself as the previous year (last year) we had spent basically all day every day together.

On the 7th October 2013 we had had a few drinks and as alcohol does it makes you a little bit more confident. I knew I really 'liked' Katie-Jo but wasn't entirely sure that she felt the same so I kept holding her hand and seeing if I could get any sense of her feeling the same, which I definitely did when she kissed me! We carried on kissing practically all night. Before we went to sleep I remember her asking me 'What's going to happen in the morning' and I replied with 'I'll kiss you' and true to my word the next morning I did exactly that. However we cooled things off until the 9th October 2013 and we have been together ever since then!



On the 17th April 2014 I decided to propose to Katie-Jo. I had been planning it for a while but I couldn't decide when to actually ask her. I had everything to do it so when I went to pick up the ring I got way too excited and decided to do it that day. I was so scared that she would say no I spent ages on the phone to my Mum. I asked her Mum's permission to make sure that it was okay. I had even let her best friend in on it when we visited her in London. I spent ages decorating the living room with ballons and petals, I had had a banner made, I went to the florist and bought her some flowers (a very daunting process when the florist asked me what I was looking for seeing as I have no idea about flowers!), I roped in one of our housemates to help me blow up some balloons. I even hid a camera in the room to be able to capture it. I wanted it to be special and I knew (because she had specifically told me that she didn't want anyone else there) that it had to be somewhere just the two of us - so where better than the place than where we had our first kiss!



On Friday the 1st August we will be moving into our first house together, just the two of us, and I can't wait. I'm really looking forward to seeing where she grew up properly, being able to see her family, and meeting new people.

I can't wait for our future together and what it holds - going on holidays together, being able to spend Christmas together, getting married, having kids!

- Stacey xo


Monday, 21 July 2014

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Poem: She

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She's like chocolate on a rainy day
She's the words I can't say
She's the comfort in the dark
She's the long walks in the park
She's the hand I want to hold
She's the one who holds the secrets I've never told
She's the future in my present
She's the one who makes me content
She's the laughter in my eyes
She's the comfort when I can't help but cry
She's the smile on my face
She's the one who puts me in a happy place
She's my perfect kiss
She's the one I never want to miss
She's the one I want by my side
She's the one in whom I can always confide
She's the one whose love I never want to hide
She's the one who makes everything fun
She's the one who I wake up next to in the morning sun
She's everything I have ever asked for
She's the one I'll always adore




- Stacey xo

Poem: Real Love

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I might only be twenty
But that doesn't mean
I don't know what's truly real love

We could spend every second of our lives together
But I'll still wish those seconds could last forever
I could be holding her close to me
But that doesn't mean
I don't wish she was even closer

It's like a connection fuelled by electricity
Connecting her to me
Invisible for anyone else to see



- Stacey xo

Poem: A Mother's Love

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Ever since 9th November 1993
You've been the biggest part of me
Giving me memories that I'll treasure
Surrounding me in a love that will last forever

You were there for my first word
By my side whenever a problem occurred
Taught me to walk
And held me when I couldn't find the words to talk

My first best friend
The one who taught me to be myself and not pretend
Taught me to tell the truth
And made sure the fairy took my first tooth

You've looked after me when I was sick
Laughed at all my jokes even if I was taking the mick
Picked me up and dusted me down
No matter how far I've pushed, you've always been around

You know me inside and out
Stood there when I scream and shout
You give love like no one else can
Because we've shared a bond ever since the first scan

You taught me to be proud of myself
And about all the important things in life
Love, happiness, family and health
You don't need money to feel as though you have a lot of wealth

You've always been the best mother to me
Proud of the person I've grown to be
Showering me in an unconditional love that's plain for everyone to see



- Stacey xo

Poem: One Plus One Makes Two

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It's as simple as
One plus one makes two
That's the way I see me and you

A sum that just works
Two people who are just meant to be
Simple for the world to see
But confusing for you and me

It took time to realise
What everyone else knew
That it should be me and you
As simple as one plus one makes two



- Stacey xo

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Poem: She's The One

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She's the one I turn to
She's the one who
Picked up the pieces of my broken heart
She's the one who hasn't given up from the very start

She's the tattoo on my arm
She's the one who protects me from harm
She's the one who taught me to trust
She's the one there because she care not because she must

She's the one I want to wake up next to
She's the one who
I can always open up to
She's the one who knew

She's the one I can confide in
She's the one where my head could lose and my heart could win
She's my comfort in the night
She's the one I'd lose to in a fight

She's the one by my side
She's the one who
Will be my future bride
She's the one who's always on my mind

She's the one
She'll forever be the one
She's my only one



- Stacey xo

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Poem: I am Gay

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I am gay
But what am I truly trying to say
Am I asking for your acceptance
Or am I ready to experience your resistance to my existence

I was all to willing to live my life as a lie
All too scared to see my own mother cry
All too afraid that my own father would be ashamed of me
That my family wouldn't understand the person I am meant to be

But I guess I am lucky when it comes to my family
Because they say they're proud of me
But what are they actually proud of
They shouldn't have to be proud that I can openly love

I shouldn't feel as though my sexuality
Means that there is something wrong with my personality
Nor should I feel as though the love I have for another is filled with immorality
I shouldn't look a stranger in the eye and feel as though I have an abnormality

Why should you pity me for a love that makes me feel as though I belong
I don't think I could ever understand why you see it as being so wrong

Isn't true love, really true love when you wake up and think this is fate
So why are you telling me that this is just a phase and that I need to wait
Why when you don't even know me are your words filled with so much hate
When all I want to do is take the one I love out on a date

We're taught not to be prejudice
To consider each others feeling and not be too negative
We're taught that we shouldn't judge someone on their appearance
So why should my sexuality make a difference

I am gay
But it isn't something I should have to state or say
I shouldn't have to stand up and shout
Hi, I'm out



- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Sunday, 16 February 2014

Poem: Build a Forever Together

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I will love you for all time
Give you every reason as to why you should stay mine
Whether you want me to wine and dine
Give you all my time
Bring you fancy things
Always tell you that you're beautiful, an angel without wings

You are so special to me
Do anything to make you see
That you're the one I want to spend my life
Prove it to you, buy you a ring, make you my wife

Build a forever together
Our relationship I'll always treasure


- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Poem: My First Real Love

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My girlfriend is the greatest gift I could have been given
Having her by my side has made me more driven
Knowing that she is my first real love
Something, someone I could never let go of

I thought I had been in love before
But between me and her we have something a lot more
It was so easy to say I was in love before when I had nothing to compare it too
But these feelings I have for her are completely new

She is my first thought in the morning when I open my eyes
When we kiss I still get butterflies
When I hold her in my arms
I want to be able to protect her from all harm

She has given me back a feeling I haven't had in quite a while
The feeling of being worth something not only to her but to myself too
It's a feeling that's so old to most but to me its so new

My girlfriend, my best friend
The one to make my broken heart mend
My beginning, my middle
My first real love I never want to end


- Stacey xo

You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk

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Saturday, 15 February 2014

Its Okay To Be Gay

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hlCEIUATzg&feature=youtube_gdata_player - Ellen Page

I don't often openly talk about my sexuality, but this is so true. I am incredibly lucky to have such amazing and supportive family and friends who have made me comfortable enough to be able to be myself. It took me a long time to be able to feel comfortable to feel that I could be openly gay, all because of being too aware of how other people perceive you and how they can treat you and make you feel.

Being able to love and be loved by another person is an incredible experience regardless of whether they are the same sex as you and no one should feel ashamed of this. I think that everyone should be able to experience loving another person and being loved by another person without feeling as though they should hide their feelings. Everyone should feel comfortable enough to be able to express their love for another person without feeling as though its wrong.

I am so lucky to have my girlfriend - one of the most kind, caring, supportive and loving people I know. I'm even luckier to be able to not feel the need to hide our relationship as I know so many people do. Its incredible to know that my girlfriend is my best friend, my present and future.

I hope that it continues to get easier for people to 'come out' as I know for so many people this is such a difficult step and so many people as so apprehensive of how their families and friends will react. Not only this but I hope that people continue to be supportive of those who aren't straight and fit the 'norm' as its that support that makes people feel as though they can be themselves and not hide their true self and be someone that their not.  Particularly as each person has so much to give no one should feel the need to hide themselves.

I hope that others can see as I have learnt that its okay to be gay and that you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not.

- Stacey xo

Monday, 14 October 2013

Poem: Thinking of You Wondering If You're Thinking of Me

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I'm sitting here staring out to the sea
Thinking of you wondering if you're thinking of me
Should I tell you how I feel
Show you that love is really real
I can feel it in every part of me
If I could only make you see
The true meaning you have to me

I sit up all night thinking of you
And all the little things you do
If only you knew
What you do

When you're around I can't concentrate
Something inside me is telling me its fate
But as soon as you're around
I lose all the courage I thought I'd found

I want to show you off to everyone
You give meaning to the words of my favourite love song
I'm holding back because you might think I'm wrong
But I know with you I belong


- Esjae xo

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Poem: What Difference Does It Make

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People stop and look at me
They don't understand what they see
Instead the slot me into a stereotype
But I like to think we're all different prototypes
You might have already experienced what I'm about to
But to me its all new
This is my first and only chance at life
So what difference should it make if I want a husband or wife
I doesn't change that I'm just like you
I eat the same foods
I experience the same feelings and moods
I wear the same clothes
I watch the same TV shows

It's not easy being me
Because so many people disagree
With the life I lead
But what they don't understand is it isn't a want or need
It's just quite simply who I am

It shouldn't make a difference
Whether you are gay or straight
We're told not to judge someone on their appearance
So surely it isn't too late
To stop people trying to hate
Others based upon their sexuality
Because quite simply its not an abnormality



Let me know what you think.

- Esjae xo

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Friday, 19 April 2013

Poem: My Point Of View

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I'm stuck in this nightmare
Struggling to act like I don't care
You got yourself into this mess
I wish I could pretend that I couldn't careless

I've tried helping you time and time again
But there's no helping you
It's not a question of if but when
It's almost like you can't help the things you do
Acting out like you have no clue
Especially about how much your hurting everyone around you

I wish you could see that what you're doing isn't right
And that you could appreciate why we've all put up such a fight
Your not only damaging yourself
Through ruining your health
But your making it hard to love you
When you do all the things you do

I wish there was something I could do to stop it all
You don't know what its like to watch you fall
Deeper into that blac khole that takes over all of you
I just wish you knew
What all of this does to me
And then maybe you would see
What its like living this life from my point of view



- Esjae xo

Friday, 29 March 2013

Poem: What I’m Here To Do

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I may never come first
And I'm used to coming last
But none of that matters to me
Because all I really want to see
Is you becoming what you set out to be
I want to see you smile
And I mean more that once in a while
I don't want to see anymore tears running down your cheeks
Even if you're feeling really down and incredibly weak
Trust me, I know, you're stronger than you think
I'll do my best to support you with whatever you go through
Because that's what I'm here to do
That's quite simply, to be there for you.

 

- Esjae xo

Poem: When I Don’t Belong

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I know when I don't belong
That's why right now I'm contemplating getting gone
I don't want to be here
If you don't want me near
I've always tried to do my best by you
All I ever wanted was appreciation for the things I do

Instead you throw it back in my face
Telling me that I don't belong in this place
That I mean nothing to you and I'm just a waste of space

I don't need telling twice
I've tried playing nice
Even after you pushed me away
I still tried to stay
Maybe it was the wrong thing to do
But all I wanted to was be there for you
And in my head I just knew
That you wouldn't be able to do it alone
I've left, I've gone, but if you need me just pick up the phone
It's not that I don't care
You just made me feel like I didn't belong there

I hope one day you'll see
That you'll always mean something to me

 


- Esjae xo

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Poem: Never Been So Wrong

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Watching the waves crash at the shore
My mind thinks back to when you called me a whore
I did nothing wrong
Apart from wishing to belong
I did everything you asked of me
Even though I could see
How wrong it would be
I always knew that it would surface
But I just didn't realise it would make me feel this worthless

I put my trust in you
And know I have found out exactly what you could do
I never thought that you were capable of this
But I guess I was fooled by your kiss
I thought that with you I could have it all
I never expected that kind of high would be followed by this sort of low
It's strange how I never thought I could get something this wrong
Especially after so long




- Esjae xo

Monday, 24 December 2012

Poem/ Book: My Little Black Book of Poems Vol 1 (Free)

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My brand new *FREE* ebook is now available! 

'My Little Black Book of Poems Vol 1' can be viewed by following this link: My Little Black Book of Poems Vol 1 by Esjae

Or alternatively scroll through the book below:



It features two of the most viewed poems from my blog 'Dear Santa' and 'Deadbeat Dad' as well as including a few poems which haven't been uploaded to my blog!

Please feel free to share it with your friends, family and colleagues.

Let me know what you think.

- Esjae xo