When we moved to Cardiff I wasn't sure if I was going to pass my foundation degree as I was having to resit some of my exams due to missing them in May. I ended up having to do one exam and two assignments, apparently I have passed my course - although I'm not sure what percentage/ grade I have ended up with although in all honesty I will be happy with a pass.
However due to all the uncertainty of if I'd be able to get on to the top up course I decided to check out what my other option were. As I have used up 2 years of my student finance already doing another foundation degree was basically my only option. So I took to the internet to see what courses were available and to see if I had the necessary UCAS points to qualify- plus the beauty of clearing meant they were a bit more flexible with the entry requirements.
To cut a long story short I will be studying a Foundation Degree in Paralegal Studies as of the 22nd September with the University of South Wales. I am really excited as this year I won't have any of the other distractions, basically I will be a 'normal' student. I also have an amazing tour guide who knows their way around Cardiff in my beautiful girlfriend. So I am in a pretty good situation to start my new studies! There is a downside, I have to endure the contact and struggles of student finance for an extra year - I also hope that my application gets sorted sooner rather than later as due to waiting for a place through clearing I didn't send everything off till later than usual, so fingers crossed it isn't delayed for too long.
I've mentioned Katie-Jo quite a bit on my blog now so I thought it was about time I introduced her properly. We met on the 16th September 2013 in our first year of university. Her room was opposite mine in our own little corridor in our shared house.
I remember her standing in my door way looking incredible wearing a pair of white jeans on the first or second night of freshers. I think I have most certainly 'fancied' her since then and if not I have definitely found her incredibly attractive since then. We spent quite a lot of freshers together, I remember one night when we were sat in the kitchen for hours, another night when I pretended to be a spacewoman with a bin on my head planking on the floor resulting in me cutting my chin open.
We gradually went everywhere together even resulting in me going back to Cardiff with her one weekend to see her family. I think I've pretty much been to Cardiff with her every time since. Minus last Christmas, which felt like we were apart forever!
I looked after her when she was ill, she was always there when I needed someone to talk to, we even ended up sleeping in each other beds because we would just fall asleep talking or watching films.
It was weird when we ended up having to go back home for the summer, I felt like a part of me was missing. I ended up going to Cardiff for Katie-Jo's birthday - yet again she looked incredible! We even planned a spur of the moment weekend the week before we were due to move back to Bournemouth for Cardiff Pride and again I ended up staying with her. Saying goodbye to each other after Pride was weird, neither of us seemed to want to do it. Where as we'd normally be making fun of each other we could barely speak to each other.
By the end of my weekend in Cardiff for Pride I couldn't wait to move back to Bournemouth. I had always found her attractive but no matter how many people told us 'we should be together' or 'we would make a good couple' we were both adamant that we were just friends. It wasn't until I saw her car come around the corner, she was late, as usual, that I knew there was definitely something more between us, there had always been 'moments' when I thought what if, but always shook them off thinking that it would ruin the amazing friendship we had.
When we moved into our new house in Bournemouth Katie-Jo started her new job straight away and quite honestly I felt like a lost puppy. I didn't know what to do with myself as the previous year (last year) we had spent basically all day every day together.
On the 7th October 2013 we had had a few drinks and as alcohol does it makes you a little bit more confident. I knew I really 'liked' Katie-Jo but wasn't entirely sure that she felt the same so I kept holding her hand and seeing if I could get any sense of her feeling the same, which I definitely did when she kissed me! We carried on kissing practically all night. Before we went to sleep I remember her asking me 'What's going to happen in the morning' and I replied with 'I'll kiss you' and true to my word the next morning I did exactly that. However we cooled things off until the 9th October 2013 and we have been together ever since then!
On the 17th April 2014 I decided to propose to Katie-Jo. I had been planning it for a while but I couldn't decide when to actually ask her. I had everything to do it so when I went to pick up the ring I got way too excited and decided to do it that day. I was so scared that she would say no I spent ages on the phone to my Mum. I asked her Mum's permission to make sure that it was okay. I had even let her best friend in on it when we visited her in London. I spent ages decorating the living room with ballons and petals, I had had a banner made, I went to the florist and bought her some flowers (a very daunting process when the florist asked me what I was looking for seeing as I have no idea about flowers!), I roped in one of our housemates to help me blow up some balloons. I even hid a camera in the room to be able to capture it. I wanted it to be special and I knew (because she had specifically told me that she didn't want anyone else there) that it had to be somewhere just the two of us - so where better than the place than where we had our first kiss!
On Friday the 1st August we will be moving into our first house together, just the two of us, and I can't wait. I'm really looking forward to seeing where she grew up properly, being able to see her family, and meeting new people.
I can't wait for our future together and what it holds - going on holidays together, being able to spend Christmas together, getting married, having kids!
So as a result of the investigation and my abusers suicide I didn't sit the final exams of my foundation degree and now have to do the resits in August (luckily I get to do them uncapped due to my mitigating circumstances). However this has caused so many problems for my Top Up course as the results aren't my final grades and it doesn't work with UCAS.
Its so stressful especially as I have to revise for the resits and get all of my packing done for moving. I wish it was all so much more straight forward. To be honest it would be nice to just know I definitely had a place on the course because all I want to do is get my degree completed.
Looking back upon this year I can safely say that I, as a person, have come a very long way since September. In some ways I feel as though I am a different person to the one who left Bournemouth to return back to Cambridge at the beginning of last summer. I feel relaxed, comfortable in my own skin and a million times happier. I feel as though I have achieved and overcome things that I didn't think was ever even possible.I can say this year has been one hell of a roller coaster!
Some of the people who know me personally will know that since September I have battled through trying to prosecute the person who sexually abused me from the age of 6 up until I was 19 years old. As part of this I have battled exhaustion, depression and anxiety. I still have days when the anxiety and depression appear into my life but I am coming out the other side of it and learning how to deal with it. I wasn't able to hear the guilty verdict I was hoping to hear but the person who abused me did confess the things he did to me to several other people before taking his own life.
I also 'came out' to all of my friends and family after hiding the fact that I'm gay. I have also found the most amazing girlfriend, partner, fiance, best friend in Katie-Jo - who happened to be my housemate last year, that I could ever ask for. Ever since I confided in her about the sexual abuse last year she has been a rock for me. She's been supportive, encouraging, thoughtful, loving, kind, caring, everything I could have possibly needed. I really couldn't ask for anything more from her, she really is the better half of me. I really believe that without her I wouldn't have found it in me to tell my parents about the sexual abuse I had been through or gone to the police last September. I really can't wait for the rest of our future together and I know that after the year we have had and the things we have faced together we can face anything together.
It's crazy to think that my second and final year on my foundation degree course in Bournemouth is complete especially after contemplating leaving several times. It's crazy to think in a month I will be leaving the place that has been a home, an escape, and one hell of an adventure. I have learnt so much from the people I have met in Bournemouth, I know there are people I will keep in touch with for the rest of my life and there are others who will stay with this chapter of it but they have all helped to make it a very special time of my life.
While this year has quite possibly been one of the hardest I have ever faced with the video interviews, counselling, exhaustion, depression, anxiety and flashbacks I can safely say that I have come out of the other side of it all.
I am really looking forward to moving to Cardiff with my better half and starting the next chapter of our lives together. Lets hope the next year is a better one.
How exciting, this is the first post on this blog... it's all shiny and new - maybe not shiny but definitely new! I thought I'd create a new blog to write about my new (not really) adult life - sharing is caring. I never considered being 18 as being an adult, I don't know why... Probably because I was still a teenager I always saw becoming 20 as becoming an adult as it’s the start of a new decade and new responsibilities.
I am Stacey (that is my real name, in case you were wondering) and I have lived on this planet for 20 whole years - I miss being a teenager already, 20 feels old... too old. I have been 20 for 25 whole days and I already feel old - how is that even possible! I was born in Cambridge, UK and lived there for the majority of my life, well until last September - I have never really appreciated its history and why its famous until when I went back in June after being away at university for the year. I now live in Bournemouth and am currently battling to complete the second (and final) year of my foundation degree in Business and Management, I'm hoping to get on to the top up course next year. When I say I got to university people assume that I'm clever, I don't know why... I don't see myself as clever, in fact I know I'm not! Getting myself through my assignments is a massive battle, I always feel like I know absolutely nothing about the topic, I have basically zero concentration, I never know where to start and I get distracted far too easily. But I am getting there, slowly.
I have a weird obsession with star signs and horoscopes that not many people know about! I am a Scorpio it’s probably because I am so similar to my star sign and it weirds me out, it always fascinates me to see if other people have any of the attributes to their star sign. I just simply find it fascinating.
I have a (un)healthy addiction to several things. I’m not even joking when I say I eat ridiculous amounts of chocolate, I have no idea how I haven’t put on crazy amounts of weight – can quite happily just eat chocolate all day everyday (but then who couldn’t!). I own several onesies too many – they are far too comfortable not to wear them (the giraffe one is one of my favourites)! I spend nearly all my life attached to my phone or laptop, I’m probably seen as one of the most unsociable people in the world (well at least the county) this is as a result of my unhealthy addiction to the internet. I’m nearly always wearing a hat, snapbacks are my current favourite at the moment. I have an unhealthy love for Toy Story, it’s one (probably my most) favourite film of all time and if you know me personally and don’t know that by now you should be ashamed of yourself.
I have an awesome family who I know I can turn to with anything and everything. We’re like any family we wind each other up but at the end of the day we are always there for each other. I love them all to to pieces. My Mum is literally one of my best friends – I’m really lucky to have been able to have this kind of relationship with my Mum from quite a young age and I’ve always had a lot of respect for her and have always looked up to her, I moan about her at times – but she knows me on a whole other level compared to everyone else – I can talk to her about almost anything and she is one of ‘those’ people who I know I can always count on without fail. My relationship with my Dad is quite strong, it’s definitely become stronger as I’ve gotten older, I know I can always turn to him if I need him and I don’t just scream and shout at him like I used to – he’s one of the people I respect and he can fix almost anything and everything. When I was younger I didn’t always show my dad how much I appreciated him, and I pushed him away quite a bit and as I have gotten older I have recognised this and slowly tried to fix it. My parents, are incredibly supportive and have always supported me (as well as my brother and sister) without fail, they don’t really judge us and they guide us but don’t dictate to us which is something I have always respected and appreciated (even though I might not have always shown it). My (older) sister, Natasha, and (younger) brother, Aaron, are two of the people (other than my parents) I am most protective over in the world, I would hate for anything to happen to them, I have so many memories with them growing up and they probably don’t even really know how much they mean to me. Looking at the three of us you probably wouldn’t think we are that close, but I know I can always talk to my sister and turn to her for help if I need it and my brother is just as crazy as I am and we are so similar its weird. My whole family just means so much to me and I don’t know what I’d do without them
I have an incredibly awesome and beautiful girlfriend, who’s name is Kaite-Jo she happens to not only be my girlfriend but also one of my best friends which is the best combination because it means I can turn to her with everything and anything. Yes, I have a girlfriend, yes this also means I’m not ‘straight’ although no I’m not ‘gay’ – I’m somewhere in the middle probably a lot closer to being gay than being straight. But who cares! I’m ridiculously happy and really couldn’t imagine being with anyone else! We actually haven’t known each other for very long but it feels like I have known her forever and I definitely feel lucky to have her as part of my life and even luckier to be able to call her my girlfriend.
I have several really close friends, who help me through a lot and this is going to be hard because I don’t want to name every single person who has helped me out, but there are several people who I speak to regularly, know I can lean on and mean an awful lot to me. Basically what I am saying is if you actually know me and I don’t name you please don’t be offended. When I came to university I felt like I was drifting away from a lot of my friends, I was at a point in sixth form college where I was drifting in and out of friendship groups and didn’t really feel like I belonged anywhere. I’m 100 percent definitely not saying the friends I had a sixth form were rubbish, far from it – it’s just they didn’t always feel like they were the strongest friendships and ever since leaving sixth form we rarely speak. However (back to the original point), When I came to uni I met three girls (other than Katie-Jo) who I have become really close to, Rachael, Megan, and Josie. Megan was the first person on my course that I met, and we have stayed friends ever since. Rachael, I became close to during our first assignment last year and then gradually she basically moved into our house at the end of last year. I was gutted when she quit because we became so close although I know I can always chat to her if I need to. My friendship with Josie grew at the end of last year too we just ended up talking about our lives and I know if I need a chat I can turn to her.
Two of my closest friends which I have known for quite a while (almost feels like forever) are Bethany (Betherz) and Rachael Robinson (there are loads of them in the world!). Bethany moved to my secondary school and we clicked almost instantly, we could be dickheads together and we didn’t care, I’m almost always in stitches when we’re together – she also got me one of my jobs (what a top friend). Rachael I met when I was playing football but really got on when we worked together, she always makes me laugh and I know she’s got my back and I’ve got hers.
There are quite a few people I want to mention here thinking about it but I’m only going to mention one other person, Annie. I met her right at the end of last year she came and stayed with us in our shared house as she’s Katie-Jo’s friend although I ended up inviting her to stay when I was drunk, and we just got on. She’s one of those people who you feel like you’ve known for a really long time. She can also make me laugh with her stories about really random stuff.
The one thing I value most about all of my friends is that I can always have a laugh with them and they all know I don’t take myself too seriously and they don’t really care about it.
I can imagine this blog is going to basically me just chatting about a whole bunch of random stuff, as well as a place for me to vent and rant about stuff.
Anyways that’s it – if you want to know more about me, come back and check this blog out soon!
Attempt two of 'The Minstrel Challenge' - this is what happens when me and Rachael (filming and pouring the minstrels) were really bored and had a packet of minstrels so came up with the minstrel challenge which I think was to see how many minstrels could be poured into my mouth
After tonight I have definitely decided that I miss uni. Its not even 9pm and I'm already sat in bed because there is nothing else to do. Well I could do some of my assignment that isn't due until September, but I have the whole summer to do it (famous last words).
I found this toaster earlier and thought it was pretty awesome:
See what my life is coming too?! Although I wouldn't mind having one of these for next year as I think it would be pretty cool.
I am on my last week of my work placement for uni and it has gone really well so far (touch wood) I've got to do loads of different things that I don't get to do in my regular part time job which has been pretty awesome.
I'm close to getting my deposit paid off for my uni house next year (in theory) although I still have a bit to go but I should have it all together by the deadline (fingers crossed).
It's official! Me and Rachael have been reunited... it was a beautiful moment! Three weeks actually feel like forever...No word of a lie. Basically we have just done an all nighter to do our assignment that is due at 10am... I say we I mean me, Rach opted out of this assignment.
Back to the beginning of the day (now in fact yesterday). I had the worst nights sleep, my body wanted to be alive but my brain didn't want to be and they couldn't agree. It was truly devastating, especially at 9am when I finally decided to leave my bed and start doing things with the day.
I decided to go shopping. SURPRISE! (well not really but ya know!)
I got myself some new glasses (the drinking kind not the, oh look I'm blind type) as I have recently discovered I have broken one of mine and 2 have cracks in them, I also got two uber awesome blankets - a Toy Story one (yet another surprise) and a VW Camper Van one (my love for these beautiful beasts still lives on).
My day after my trip to the shops was slightly less productive, hence why I had to stay up all night to finish this assignment. See that is dedication for you!
Myself and Rachael had an uber awesome conversation with Katie-Jo who has yet grace us with her presence - she is longing out her Easter break, like really GET YO ASS BACK BIATCH.
I'm casually trying to kill time until I have to go into uni to print my assignment out and hand it in...
Bournemouth definitely feels like home, I have been back here for more than 24 hours now and it feels ridiculously good to be here!
It took a while to unpack everything yesterday and get things sorted, I caught up with Ryan when I got back and Stefan was out. But there's only the 3 of us in our house at the moment! We have a new microwave which is pretty exciting! (the thrills of being a student)
Today I have had a pretty chilled out day, apart from the fact I woke up stupidly early as a result of still running on my work body clock, 7am is not the ideal time to be awake when you are a student! I made myself feel better about it by watching the latest Glee episode which was alright but lacking in songs.
I made the necessary trip to Iceland stopping in G&T's on the way to buy myself a new duvet cover, as you can see its a beautiful Toy Story one (my love for Toy Story will never end) plus its reversible.
I also went out and bought myself a monitor so that I can watch films and other things online while I do my work (or at least pretend to do my work). It has sort of increased my productivity levels, my assignment is now half way done - so close but yet so far!
There, I've said it! I can literally find anything to do to stop me from doing my work. Last night I had planned that today I would finish my assignment but somewhere between last night and this morning a part of me decided that wouldn't be happening.
I have had a very (un)productive day looking through photos, watching videos I've found on my laptop which I then proceeded to upload to youtube (you can have a gander here https://www.youtube.com/theofficialesjae - if you feel so inclined). I nearly finished the book I got on my Kindle last night but its hit that point where its not very interesting a bit boring so I'm avoiding reading when really I could just get this little bit over with and get to a more exciting part.
I also got a tattoo today... not a real one, a transfer, I'm too poor to get a real one right now.
It was a spongebob one that my Mum applied for me - doesn't it look wonderful!
I also lost four of my fingers today when my Dad decided he wanted to practice his refreshed first aider skills as he has just become requalified as a first aider.
I make a happy amputee.
Other than these events my day has been rather average. Oh yeah I also sort of packed to return to Bournemouth tomorrow, I can't wait! Although the four and a half hour train journey could shorten itself a little bit because sitting still for that long doesn't agree with me and I get ridiculously bored.
Maybe when I'm back in Bournemouth tomorrow I'll make more progress with my assignment.
Well I haven't written anything on this blog since I actually moved in, what has happened since then.
EVERYTHING.
Quite literally, so much has happened. But at the same time it feels like not a lot has happened. Crazy really, just saying!
Well freshers has quite obviously ended and I have been chucked into the student world of being broke and having to amuse myself. I have learnt what my housemates are really like once you get to know them, first impressions aren't always right!
I have started writing this with no idea of where it is going, the main reason I have found myself back at this blog is because everyone in my house has gone to bed, at 11pm, on a Friday night!
So lets see what comes to mind from the first few months of uni and I'll see if I can find pictures & videos to illustrate the awesomeness of what has happened in my life as a student. (they probably won't be in order of when they happen)
So after we all moved in we had a roast dinner cooked by yours truly:
As you can see everyone looks really happy an not at all worried about the food they are about to consume!
We are obviously the most awesome students in the whole of Bournemouth and decided to 'bond' over a few games of Jenga as a result of the internet not working properly:
Again everyone looks extremely happy to be here (particularly Katie-Jo the one holding the Jenga block). The boys look slightly less enthusiastic about everything that is happening, the photo being taken, the fact the internet wasn't working, they had to speak to people, and the fact we were playing Jenga.
I tend to find myself having a lot of energy to burn (I guess I'm just one of those people who can entertain themselves with virtually anything):
This was known as 'the duvet of death' Katie-Jo has come to realise by now, I hope, that you tend to just go with my mood when I am this hyper. I have no idea where the whole idea for this came from but it sort of just happened.
On the same day I proceeded to go on holiday on the landing. Now the landing has come to be quite a special place not only have I 'gone on holiday' here but I have also made a dessert and became homeless here:
Me and Scott broke up. - That happened.
Katie-Jo fell through a chair, quite literally:
The concentration on her face as she tries to fix it is something else!
Sadly Katie-Jo seems to have become the person who is with me when I am trying to occupy myself:
Yes, I did tape her hands together. It's okay I let her go after...
It snowed:
Me, Ryan, Katie-Jo and Chris made a snowman and Ryan made the snow dog.
We went house hunting, Katie-Jo drove us to the viewings:
As you can see, I called shotgun, I'm not as stupid as I look.
The occasional sunny day:
I like this photo so I thought it illustrated that after it snowed we had a sunny day.
Me and Katie-Jo like to have adventures when we have had a drink, we dragged Dylan with us on this occasion.
We like to wear our onesies when we go out.
We kidnapped Claire, Dylan's girlfriend.
We met these two people (Lily and Liam - I think?!) and went to a houseparty for all of 5 minutes with them then went to the beach.
We paddled in the sea.
We made pancakes, twice...
This is Ryan. Ryan is eating a pancake.
I have travelled to and from Cambridge several times to visit my family.
Clearly I enjoyed this journey!
It was Rachael Day (NOT VALENTINE'S DAY)
I made her a cake. - Doesn't she look happy?!
Valentines Day (Rachael Day) meant more mischief:
Me and Katie-Jo gatecrashed Dylan's date.
This is proof that I do cook things from scratch:
In fact, that day we had just been for a walk to the beach (we may or may not have taken a detour as a result of my excellent navigational skills) and I cooked me and Katie-Jo a roast dinner.
This was taken once we had arrived at the beach! It was sunny when we left the house, it wasn't as sunny when we reached the beach.
There are loads more pictures but I shall add these another time, it is tiring looking through photos. I need to sleep. For a long time. I am student - I am allowed to.
- Esjae xo
Ps I fall off things a lot:
*Please note we were all sober when this happened.*
