Poem: My Point Of View

I'm stuck in this nightmare
Struggling to act like I don't care
You got yourself into this mess
I wish I could pretend that I couldn't careless

I've tried helping you time and time again
But there's no helping you
It's not a question of if but when
It's almost like you can't help the things you do
Acting out like you have no clue
Especially about how much your hurting everyone around you

I wish you could see that what you're doing isn't right
And that you could appreciate why we've all put up such a fight
Your not only damaging yourself
Through ruining your health
But your making it hard to love you
When you do all the things you do

I wish there was something I could do to stop it all
You don't know what its like to watch you fall
Deeper into that blac khole that takes over all of you
I just wish you knew
What all of this does to me
And then maybe you would see
What its like living this life from my point of view



- Esjae xo

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Reunited!

It's official! Me and Rachael have been reunited... it was a beautiful moment! Three weeks actually feel like forever...No word of a lie. Basically we have just done an all nighter to do our assignment that is due at 10am... I say we I mean me, Rach opted out of this assignment.

Back to the beginning of the day (now in fact yesterday). I had the worst nights sleep, my body wanted to be alive but my brain didn't want to be and they couldn't agree. It was truly devastating, especially at 9am when I finally decided to leave my bed and start doing things with the day.

I decided to go shopping. SURPRISE! (well not really but ya know!)

I got myself some new glasses (the drinking kind not the, oh look I'm blind type) as I have recently discovered I have broken one of mine and 2 have cracks in them, I also got two uber awesome blankets - a Toy Story one (yet another surprise) and a VW Camper Van one (my love for these beautiful beasts still lives on).

My day after my trip to the shops was slightly less productive, hence why I had to stay up all night to finish this assignment. See that is dedication for you!

Myself and Rachael had an uber awesome conversation with Katie-Jo who has yet grace us with her presence - she is longing out her Easter break, like really GET YO ASS BACK BIATCH.

I'm casually trying to kill time until I have to go into uni to print my assignment out and hand it in...

- Stacey xo

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Poem: Your Inner Wealth

Sometimes it's hard to be surrounded in positivity
When all your feeling in your head is negativity
Its like when your life is moving so fast and all you want is for it to slow down
Longing for a little bit of simplicity
Just to create a safer place for your mentality

See some people spend all their time searching for money, fame and fortune
So when they have something good its almost as if they've become immune

Sometimes your the only one putting your life under attack
If that happens its time to take a step back,
Look at all the things you have in your life
And appreciate the people around you
Mother, brother, sister, father, husband, wife
They are all there to support you in the things you do

If you're losing faith in yourself
Look inside you for your inner wealth



- Esjae xo

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Recommends: Jokshan Simpson - Mirrors Cover

It's 3am and I was scrolling through my youtube and came across this - the best cover of mirrors I have seen. Absolutely love it!

- Esjae xo

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HOME!

Bournemouth definitely feels like home, I have been back here for more than 24 hours now and it feels ridiculously good to be here!

It took a while to unpack everything yesterday and get things sorted, I caught up with Ryan when I got back and Stefan was out. But there's only the 3 of us in our house at the moment! We have a new microwave which is pretty exciting! (the thrills of being a student)

Today I have had a pretty chilled out day, apart from the fact I woke up stupidly early as a result of still running on my work body clock, 7am is not the ideal time to be awake when you are a student! I made myself feel better about it by watching the latest Glee episode which was alright but lacking in songs.

I made the necessary trip to Iceland stopping in G&T's on the way to buy myself a new duvet cover, as you can see its a beautiful Toy Story one (my love for Toy Story will never end) plus its reversible.

I also went out and bought myself a monitor so that I can watch films and other things online while I do my work (or at least pretend to do my work). It has sort of increased my productivity levels, my assignment is now half way done - so close but yet so far!

I am ready to sleep... FOREVER now.

- Stacey xo

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Poem: Just Get To Know Me

Just because I'm female
Doesn't mean I believe everything ends just like a fairytale
I see the news each night
I hear the sirens attending another deadly fight
I might be nineteen
But that doesn't mean
I live up to the stereotype I'm believed to be
I'm my own person, I'm me
Look at me from the outside, tell me what do you see

I'm just another lost human being trying to follow my path in life
But yet somehow society is telling me I should be carrying a knife
I'm telling you that's not right, its definitely not me, and I don't want to take another's life

I want to stand up and show the world that we aren't all the same
You perceive us in our teens as though we all play at life as though its a game
But trust me, take it from me, we aren't all the same

You judge me because of the negativity you see on you TV screens
You see us as all the same, truth is, we only have one thing in common, we're in our teens

Don't judge me on what you see externally
Just because I have my hood up doesn't mean you have to look at me nervously
I promise you I was brought up with good manners, I'll say please and thank you
I might forget occasionally but trust me theres people older than me that don't do it at all

Your judging me on all this negativity
That you have created by looking at a small minority
Its about time that the bigger picture was taken into consideration
Because right now there is a whole population filled with alot of frustration

So don't judge me on what you think I should be
Don't judge me on what you think you should see
It's quite simple, just get to know me




- Esjae xo

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Officially the best procrastinator!

There, I've said it! I can literally find anything to do to stop me from doing my work. Last night I had planned that today I would finish my assignment but somewhere between last night and this morning a part of me decided that wouldn't be happening.

I have had a very (un)productive day looking through photos, watching videos I've found on my laptop which I then proceeded to upload to youtube (you can have a gander here https://www.youtube.com/theofficialesjae - if you feel so inclined). I nearly finished the book I got on my Kindle last night but its hit that point where its not very interesting a bit boring so I'm avoiding reading when really I could just get this little bit over with and get to a more exciting part.

I also got a tattoo today... not a real one, a transfer, I'm too poor to get a real one right now.

It was a spongebob one that my Mum applied for me - doesn't it look wonderful!

I also lost four of my fingers today when my Dad decided he wanted to practice his refreshed first aider skills as he has just become requalified as a first aider.

I make a happy amputee.

Other than these events my day has been rather average. Oh yeah I also sort of packed to return to Bournemouth tomorrow, I can't wait! Although the four and a half hour train journey could shorten itself a little bit because sitting still for that long doesn't agree with me and I get ridiculously bored.

Maybe when I'm back in Bournemouth tomorrow I'll make more progress with my assignment.

- Stacey xo

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Why am I so productive?!

So today has been one of those uber productive days when I have felt like I have completed so many things but really I have done nothing. Yes that's write I have ticked off a big fat zero of the many things filling my lovely non existent (that should really exist) to do list.

I got out of bed stupidly early because this mysterious headachy illness that has decided it wants a loving relationship with me (trust me it is not loving from this side) won't leave, I have tried to separate from it kindly  by sleeping but I had to resort to some paracetamol today. The worst part, the paracetamol HASN'T worked! Well it did a little bit but not entirely.

I was so productive...

After refreshing facebook and twitter far too many times I decided to roll out of bed, quite literally as it stopped my head from hurting as much. I decided to attempt to get some sympathy from my mother and went to visit her in her bedroom although she wasn't as sympathetic as I had hoped with my visit at 8.30am (lets be honest, it really isn't all that early!!).

I contemplated going to back to bed but I debated with myself for a while about how I could start my day earlier and then get more of my assignment done... (theory is always so good, never really as good when put into practice). I went downstairs in search of Charlie (my laptop - yes I name these things!) and had the obligatory morning cuddle with Alfie (at least someone loves me and showed me some form of sympathy) I was so happy to see that the many people I subscribe to on YouTube had uploaded new videos which I happily watched and then settled on my daily Home and Away catch up (love that show). I then proceeded to watch This Morning got to love a bit of Holly Willoughby and the Schofield in the morning - I watch/ catch up on far too much television than what is good for you.

I have spent virtually all day reading http://thediaryofapoorgirl.blogspot.co.uk that blog is beautiful, she is so ridiculously funny. My Mum has been asking me all day what is so funny and I have told her if she had been sympathetic towards me and my unwanted relationship with my headache she may have been able to share my enjoyment but as she didn't offer me ANY sympathy I refused to tell her. I gave in eventually and she appreciated the post I was reading as much as I did - but that isn't the point it's the principle of it that matters!

My friend, Rachael, tagged me in this picture on facebook. I took it as a compliment - I embrace the crazy as much as possible.

I have consumed four Mars bars today (chocolate gives me headaches but seeing as I have one already I thought it would be okay). Mars bars are my favourite chocolate bars in the world quite literally well I haven't had every single chocolate bar (yet!) but if I had I'm sure that Mars bars would still top the list. They are just so amazing.

I do wonder how I have managed to stay so thin considering my diet consists of chocolate, biscuits, cakes, anything and everything high in sugar... possibly explains my craziness really.

All in all I have had a good day.

I am currently trying to bring myself to continue with my assignment discussing the ethics of Cadbury (see I managed to link my assignment to my sugar addiction!). As much as I love chocolate and particularly Cadbury (got to love a good Cadbury Caramel chocolate bar) writing a 2500 essay is not one of my strongest points. Yes I go to uni, but sadly I am not academic so I always find writing these assignments difficult and my attention doesn't last longer than a few hundred words. This usually ends in me doing my assignments in less than 24 hours the day before they are due. This assignment I am determined will be different.

Here goes. Bye blogger. Hello word and my lovely ethical assignment.

- Stacey xo

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Easter so far!

I only have until Saturday until I return back to Bournemouth from Cambridge and I'm currently recovering from some sort of bug that I got yesterday which meant I wasn't allowed to go to work.

So far my Easter holidays have been pretty crazy!

On the first night back I went to the pub with my Mum, Tasha and Debbie (my Auntie who I often refer to as Debster). That evening was filled with playing pool, dancing and singing to the jukebox. All in all it was a good evening.

Mum & Me

Me and Tasha

Me and Me

Me trying to get a picture of Me and Debster

Action shot of Mum playing pool

Another action shot of Mum playing pool

Tasha and her J2O

Sneaky shot of Mum

Sneaky shot of Debbie

Me :)

 For Easter my Mum and Dad got us two eggs each, Alfie thought I would be sharing mine - which I didn't!

My parents went away for the first week of the holiday and so Tasha had bought loads of different food for us to have.

The first night was Chinese, as you can see Aaron was excited by this!

Chinese!

On my first proper day off from both uni and work I met up with some friends in town and we went to pizza hut, bowling and also did a little bit of karaoke.

Laura, Abi and Alexi's team dance.

Mel and Tom

Abi, Laura, Tom and Mel

Me, Tom and George

Fred, George and Tom

Me and George doing karaoke

Me and George - quick break from karaoke

The karaoke crew (minus George) - Fred, Alexi, Abi, Me and Tom

After work I have found myself to be very tired and have often crashed out on the sofa and a on a few nights Alfie has joined me:

As a result of working so much I decided to take my assignment with my to work and to go in early to get some of it done, thankfully it was a sunny day!

 I also went to Nando's with Bethany on Thursday for lunch and we had a really good catch up.

It has actually been quite weird to be so busy during the holidays, I think part of the reason why I may have become ill was as a result of being so tired.

I'm looking forward to going back to Bournemouth on Saturday and getting back into my more chilled out life.

- Stacey xo

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