Life: Bye Bournemouth

Tomorrow we move to Cardiff! It feels like it has taken ages to get to this point as packing has been a long a drawn out process! But it is all finally done, everything is in boxes. It's weird seeing everything packed up like that. I'm not sure I like it, it's weird not having everything around the...

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Life: My Little Love Story

I've mentioned Katie-Jo quite a bit on my blog now so I thought it was about time I introduced her properly. We met on the 16th September 2013 in our first year of university. Her room was opposite mine in our own little corridor in our shared house. I remember her standing in my door way looking incredible...

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Poem: I Look Upto You

I have been given something not everyone gets the chance of The who don't are angels in the sky looking down on us from the sky above People we wish were here with us, people we will never forget People we weren't ready to say goodbye to yet Because of them I can't give up when things get too hard Because of them I put a smile on my face even though my mind might be scarred When I don't know what...

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Poem: Sometimes I Might

I'm gonna put a smile on my face Otherwise I'll look like I'm in a distant place Experiencing things I'll never forget Related to someone I wish I never met But deep inside something tells me to keep going Deep inside something tells me to keep growing Sometimes I might seem like a closed book Sometimes when you talk I might not be able to look I might feel uncomfortable in a room full of people I...

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CSA: Imagine Your House On Fire

I remember after my abuser had committed suicide it was so hard going and seeing family knowing that they now knew about it. I really struggled with this, because it was as though my abuser had taken something else out of my hands, by committing suicide. I wanted people to know, but I wasn't ready...

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Life: Results Confusion

So as a result of the investigation and my abusers suicide I didn't sit the final exams of my foundation degree and now have to do the resits in August (luckily I get to do them uncapped due to my mitigating circumstances). However this has caused so many problems for my Top Up course as the results...

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CSA: Fundraising

As a part of moving on from my sexual abuse and raising awareness of it. I would like to, in the near future, do some fundraising for charities that help people who are going through and have been through sexual abuse. I'm not entirely sure what I will be doing but I'm hoping to do something with...

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Life: One Step Closer

Time seems to be going by so quickly at the moment! The big move to Cardiff is getting so close and so many things are coming to an end. In some ways it is sad to see things coming to an end in Bournemouth and other ways it exciting as I am going to see new things, meet new people and get to start...

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CSA: My Road To Closure

When I first thought about getting some sort of 'closure' from what has happened to me I didn't know what or how I wanted to go about it. Here are some of the things I have done and am wanting to do. My first step was to try and gain some kind of closure was to try and prosecute my abuser, this...

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Quote: Let today...

"Let today be the day you love yourself enough to no longer just dream of a better life; let it be the day you act upon it." - Stacey ...

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Life: Moving

I have spent a lot of time over the past week thinking in reality how lucky I actually am. I have an incredible fiancée who has given me a ridiculous amount of support over the last year, I have an amazing family and an incredible group of friends. There have been plenty of challenges and hurdles over the past year but I'm still here, and I have a new chapter in my life that is just about to start. Two...

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Quote: I Admire People

"I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they have been through" - Stacey ...

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Quote: Knocked Down

"Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand back up taller than you ever were" -Stacey ...

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CSA: Forgiveness

I wrote this in one of my notebooks during the police investigation: Forgiveness isn't forgetting its acceptance of the things you can't change in the past to have the future you deserve. I forgive him everyday so that I could listen to people talk about him positively, be in the same room as him, have a conversation with him. But I'll never forget. - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow...

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CSA: Nightmares and Flashbacks

Image from: http://whatittakestobeme.org Quite simply a flashback makes you feel as though you are experiencing a situation again. For me I flashbacks mean being sent back in time to anyone of the many times I was sexually abused. There are many things that trigger them, it can be a smell, a...

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CSA: I'm Scared

This came from a notebook and was written very early on in my police investigation: I'm scared: of losing my family everyone thinking I'm lying people believing him over me him getting away with it losing the people I care about all of this making how I feel worse and not better. - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be...

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CSA: Keep Me Grounded

A quote from one of my notebooks "Keep me grounded" - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard Follow me on Tumblr: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/stazzyhubbs Subscribe...

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CSA: Receiving Support

One of the hardest parts about telling people that I had been through sexual abuse was thinking that no one would believe me. That I would face it alone. The reality was I wasn't alone from the moment I started confiding in people about what happened. Knowing people believed in me gave me the courage...

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CSA: I've Cried Too Many Tears

A quote from one of my notebooks: "I've cried too many tears to be able to show my true fears." - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard Follow...

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CSA: How Do They Know

A quote from one of my notebooks: "People don't understand but they say I'll be okay, How do they know?" - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard Follow...

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CSA: The Shocking Statistics

I am very aware that technically I am a statistic. I don't feel like one but that doesn't change the fact that I am one. Even as a victim of childhood sexual abuse I still find the statistics shocking - and I know alot of people do too. It is estimated that 1 in 6 males and 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused as children in the United Kingdom. We have to also consider how many victims/survivors...

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CSA: On The Outside I'm So Big

A quote from one of my notebooks: "On the inside I'm so small, On the outside I'm so big" - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard Follow...

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CSA: It's Easy

A Quote from one of my notebooks: "It's easy to hide feelings people don't know you know how to feel" - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be a fan on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/staceyjhubbard Follow...

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CSA: An Open Letter To My Abuser

5th October 2013 To My Abuser, Ever since that first night every night is a long night. I have tried to blame myself for the things you have done to me but I can't because it's no ones fault other than yours. Some days I feel like I'm fighting a battle that has no way of being won, some days I...

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CSA: I've Been Down So Low

Lyrics from James Morrison's song Wonderful World "I've been down so low people look at me and they know. They can tell something is wrong, like I don't belong" - Stacey xo You can contact me by E-mail: staceyjhubbardblog@hotmail.co.uk Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stazzyhubbs Be...

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CSA: Every Day Is A New Lesson

The night before my abuser killed himself I couldn't sleep, it was weird - no matter how much I tried I just couldn't settle so I ended up writing this: It's easier to explain how I feel in writing than out loud. Saying it makes it real. No one is to blame for how I feel, no one knew so no one could...

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Vlog: 5th June, Cardiff Weekend

More videos from that weekend still to come! - Stacey ...

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CSA: A Background to my Poetry

I have been asked so many times in the past why I write poems, what my poems are about. Sometimes it is obvious what my poems are about - other times they are more cryptic. Whilst I was being sexually abused I felt so alone, so isolated. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't speak to anyone about...

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Life: What A Year

Looking back upon this year I can safely say that I, as a person, have come a very long way since September. In some ways I feel as though I am a different person to the one who left Bournemouth to return back to Cambridge at the beginning of last summer. I feel relaxed, comfortable in my own skin...

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Quote: Every day can be the beginning of a new life

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Quote: Use Your Smile to Change this World. But Don't Let this World Change Your Smile.

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Learn The Pants Rule

Learn the Pants Rule! A Campaign Launched by the NSPCC this time last year. 23,000 child sex offences were recorded in the last year by police in England and Wales. The idea behind the campaign is to make it easier for parents and carers to talk to and explain sexual abuse to primary...

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Poem: She

She's like chocolate on a rainy day She's the words I can't say She's the comfort in the dark She's the long walks in the park She's the hand I want to hold She's the one who holds the secrets I've never told She's the future in my present She's the one who makes me content She's the laughter in my eyes She's the comfort when I can't help but cry She's the smile on my face She's the one who puts me...

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Poem: Real Love

I might only be twenty But that doesn't mean I don't know what's truly real love We could spend every second of our lives together But I'll still wish those seconds could last forever I could be holding her close to me But that doesn't mean I don't wish she was even closer It's like a connection fuelled by electricity Connecting her to me Invisible for anyone else to see - Stacey...

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Poem: A Mother's Love

Ever since 9th November 1993 You've been the biggest part of me Giving me memories that I'll treasure Surrounding me in a love that will last forever You were there for my first word By my side whenever a problem occurred Taught me to walk And held me when I couldn't find the words to talk My first best friend The one who taught me to be myself and not pretend Taught me to tell the truth And made...

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Poem: One Plus One Makes Two

It's as simple as One plus one makes two That's the way I see me and you A sum that just works Two people who are just meant to be Simple for the world to see But confusing for you and me It took time to realise What everyone else knew That it should be me and you As simple as one plus one makes two - Stacey...

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